everything happens for a reason

My crazy, exciting, unpredictable life. It has its moments when I feel like I'm drowning, and then it changes immediately, and I can't imagine it to be any other way. Lately, I've been able to rekindle some old friendships that are beginning to be the most important ones in my current reality. As usual, I can say I've been adding some new relationships, and those are also very meaningful. I can only hope that my luck is changing as far as new relationships are concerned. The last few have been less than true.

I'm lucky to have been born in the place I was. I'm fortunate to have all of the things I need to succeed in this life. I'm blessed to have the most amazing family and friends at my side for the support I need. 

The only thing I can think is to say..

praise God. 

frustrated

I know that there are so many things in my life to be thankful for. I understand that my life could always get worse.


But sometimes, the smallest things just really upset me, and I think that anyone would have the right to be upset for some amount of time.


I just want answers. Everything was pretty damn close to perfect, and now I can't seem to understand what's going on. Hopefully I'll get some kind of relief in the near future. Until then, I can only wait.


And the waiting is miserable.

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you almost couldn't stand it?


Well, I definitely have.


Last night, all of that changed when I realized that the one thing I've been wanting for so long hasn't happened because I'm not at all ready for it.


Talk about a sobering moment.


If you want something, make sure you're in the right place in your life to handle it. Especially if it is something that could be potentially life-changing.

new chapter

My life has changed dramatically in the last month. First off, I graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Musical Arts with emphasis in Voice and secondary emphasis in Business from the University of Oklahoma.

..okay so I realize that's really long. Basically I got a degree saying that I can sing and that I kind of know what I'm doing as far as the business world is concerned.

But graduating from college is more than just saying that I have a degree. It also means leaving behind everything I've known for the past 4 1/2 years of my life. Well really more than that. More like the past 16 1/2 years of my life. I've been doing school since I can remember, and the thought of not having to worry about grades or tests or homework is a pretty crazy thought for me.

Graduating college means that now my life can truly begin, and honestly, thinking about that is incredibly scary. As awesome as it is knowing I never have to worry about going to class ever again, the thought of actually being on my own is intimidating to say the least. However, knowing that I can take my life anywhere at this point is incredibly liberating. I can go and do anything I wish, and I know that I will be successful as long as I do my absolute best, regardless of the outcome.

With that liberation comes sadness that I will no longer be spending all of my time with the people that I met and loved throughout my college years. They will no doubt be a huge part of my life forever. I will treasure the moments I had with all of them for the rest of my life, and nothing can replace those memories.

Since graduation, I have started working as a receptionist at a law firm in Oklahoma City. What makes it really nice is that my mom works here. So to be completely honest, my real adult life has barely begun. I still have that cushion to fall back on until it's time to move on and accomplish the dreams that I have had for my life. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.

doing vs. whining

My life is so much better than I ever give it credit for. My God has given me everything I could possibly need to be happy and successful.


Why is it that, in life, we always want more than we need? And why is it that we take what we have for granted? If we quit wasting time on wanting and wishing and put more time into making things happen, maybe we would see that we have everything that we need. Maybe then the world would be full of doers and do-gooders instead of wishers and whiners.

"All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about what my life will be like in the next coming months. The fact that I will be graduating from college in December has made me start thinking in a different way. I'm trying to live in the moment and really have a lot of fun in my last semester, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder what comes next.

Since I finished my senior year, I've had a lot of friends graduate from college already, but most of them have stayed in the area. Today was the first day that I've really had to say goodbye to a good friend. I am pretty sad about this, but I guess I had better get used to it because this will be my reality in about 6 months. This is just the time in my life that I never thought would actually get here.

To be honest, I'm really scared to graduate. I don't know what my life will be like after college is over. I have really big dreams and big goals, and I really want to go places and see the world. Be able to support myself while still doing what I've loved doing since I was a little girl. But it scares me to death thinking about my life changing in a big way like that. I've loved every part of growing up and becoming my own person. I know I can do anything that I set my mind to, but actually getting up and doing it is incredibly frightening.

I've got to remember: courage is what separates the talkers from the doers. Courage is what I'm going to need to accomplish my goals. I've got some time before my new life begins, but I can't help but think about it all the time. I'm trying to start planning a little bit, but how can you really plan for something so big?

change

So many different things have been happening in my life lately. I have so much going on, and it all feels like so much more than normal. I guess just knowing that my college life is almost over really freaks me out, but at the same time, it makes me realize that my life is really about to begin. I still have until December, so (lucky me) I've got one more football season!

Ever since right after Christmas, my life has felt different. I came to some realizations of what I want to do with my life, what I want to accomplish, and have decided to turn some of my dreams into my goals. Hopefully this means that I'll actually make them happen.

Some things I've done to get on track:
1. I applied for a position at Sony Music. As of right now, they're not looking to hire me because I won't be a student for too much longer. They require someone who will be in school for at least another 2 years. But I'm still working on them. I figure that I just need to keep pestering them until they give me a job. ;)

2. I'm beginning to lose weight. So far, I've lost 14 pounds. I've got my senior voice recital coming up in a couple of months, and I thought that there was no better time to start changing than before my recital. My recital marks the end of all of the hard work that I've put into my voice since I've been studying at this university. I just hope that I can pull it off and really do a great job.

3. My backup plan is to stay in the metro area, get a job to save money, and then eventually (within a year or so) move to L.A. and audition for backup singer gigs. It's something I haven't really thought about too much until recently, but it has so many perks. I get to travel. I would have the opportunity to meet tons of fantastic people. I would be singing harmony all the time. *major perk* And I would never be in the spotlight. I've never wanted to be super famous, and the idea of having cameras in my face all the time really freaks me out. Hopefully, this will be something that I can accomplish if a job with a record label doesn't work out.

While all of these things are important and fun to think about, I'm still just trying to focus on my life right now and have fun doing it. Music has really been important in my life since the beginning, but the more I learn about it and the more that I invest in it, the more important and exciting it becomes. It's comfortable, but at the same time it makes me get out of my bubble.

That's all for now. Nothing too profound. Just a little note to get some thoughts out.